when I didn't feel good enough

when I wasn't good enough.png

Beer. That was my favorite drink. But you know what was better than that? Tequila. Put these two dancing in a crowd of friends and strangers and more friends, I quickly and inevitably became someone to regret the next day.

What I remember from my past, is not remembering enough. I was desperately unaware of the capacity with which my flesh was standing, and I wonder how much longer it would have taken to fully rot down to my core. I thought I was close.

Which is the lie that ultimately forced me to sit up and listen for the voice that had been calling me for years. My lowest moment in life transformed into a glimpse of eternity, that shed me of all the shame, fear and decisions I had made.

Accepting the idea that I could be good enough for God, was the most self-provoking challenge I had ever been up against. Our society does everything in its power to convince us that standards and certain actions define who we are and to what level we are thought of; that most of us are “too far gone” to be looked at as anything other than that fact.

I could expand on this topic in so many different ways- but what I will focus on right now is this truth: we are all equally sinners, in which those sins have been bled for on the cross.

James 2:10 for whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it

To extract, we are so quick to judge our neighbor for lying, when we ourselves gossiped five minutes’ prior. Our world wants to pin sins at different levels of “bad,” when in reality, all sin is equally disgraceful to God- that’s why we needed Him to save us.

And that is why choosing him, means forgiveness.

You see, God did not need us; he wanted us. What love could possibly be greater than being created simply to be created. The agony that roared in the pit of my stomach the many mornings after a night out, vanished when I realized there was so much more.

I realized that I had always been good enough, and always will be. Sometimes it takes us falling to our knees in defeat, to truly find our lives; needing him in that pure, intimate moment of surrender allows us to see his purpose clearly for the first time- follow him, and you will not fall.

God seeks the lost, and the strayed; the injured and the weak- nowhere in his word does he define the saved as perfect, flawless, or without baggage (Ezekiel 34:16)

Let me ask you a question: when you hear the judgement gossiper, what is your reaction? What about cheater? And then again with adulterer? In John 8, a woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus with the hopes of stoning her. Instead, Jesus asked the man without sin to step forward and throw the first stone. No one could move. You see, God does not condemn you for your sin, no matter what it is, and neither should we condemn each other for them.