Three Nights of Spiritual Warfare- and a lesson I had yet to understand
I’ve experienced it before, the Jesus-high, but this time the detox was different.
Previously I had seen a struggling joy, a lull in attitude. This time, the enemy suffocated me. Three nights of fetal position rocking, asking Jesus to take it away.
Scripture tells us the enemy is like a lion, ready to pounce on its prey. He knows our weaknesses, he knows our pressures, and our earthly desires; and so, he uses them to break us down. More often than not the closer we get to Jesus the angrier the enemy gets. Our weaknesses become the punching bag to his fostered frustration. Are we able to withstand?
It was a travelling week with a Christian communicators conference, a trip to Arizona, and some weddings. Days and evenings of loved ones and worship. For the first time in quite awhile I was gifted an opportunity to set aside the outside world and live within overt praise. I had been wrestling with overwhelm and pressures that I didn’t realize before that week of travel, so in the midst of all the activity, I didn’t understand that that built up of pressure was being masked with worship. Slowly but surely the enemy found a crack, and seeped in. The first evening my husband and I kissed goodnight, said our prayer, and as I heard him fall asleep, this hostile presence filled the room. A wrecking of weight that just sat on my chest. I slipped out of bed, sat on the bathroom floor rocking and talking to Jesus.
The next morning, I attempted to explain it to my husband but there was no reason or action that caused it. It was just simply there. And it was nothing more than a presence. I imagine it resembling a heavy fog that just hung out, too thick for you to drive so you wait it out. It was as if the enemy was trying to tease me, trip me up. But God is bigger, and He was working in me more than I thought at that moment.
You see during this month I had been convicted on how I was running this ministry. When I first launched it I was overjoyed, ecstatic, impatient and excited. I wanted to produce “all the things” that I believed were what my audience would want. I forgot about the one. Meaning, the one person I pictured in my head for who I wanted this ministry to be for: me, three years ago. Lost somewhere between salvation and walking out my faith. So, amidst my impatience and excitement I got lost in all the things I was being told to do and ignoring the thing God was asking me to do. Right before I left for the conference, I had made this heart change. I had begun praying for a new strategy and new mission. Enter the conference. This unbelievably amazing conference of hundreds of women on mission coming together for the same goal. It didn’t take long for the Jesus-high to be on full blast, pouring out my pores and running through my veins. I was praising and crying for the presence and guidance of Jesus amidst my jumbled journey.
Looking back, I believe this is the connection with the spiritual attacking. Going from wandering to found- once again praise God- the enemy was trying to thwart that. He was trying to say “no, you aren’t qualified. You aren’t capable.” But you know what’s funny to me? His lies only made me more sure in the new call for my life and this ministry. The enemy will never win friend. Our God is too big and too present for that.
So, this is my lesson: the spiritual attacking lasted three nights. If I knew the root, why would it continue? Because God was reminding me that it is not about me. It is only about Him. It took three days for my heart to fully surrender my ministry and fears over to Him, because I wanted so badly to white knuckle it, where I had control. Just because we speak Jesus’ name doesn’t mean the pain vanishes- it means were trusting in His process. God had a process those nights, He was working on me deeply. And I am forever grateful for that. We often need to be humbled in mighty ways, because our natural instinct is to run, wander, and distance ourselves from Him. But His hold on us, luckily, is stronger than our fears and He is constantly making us stronger through them, too.
If you have been following this ministry for a while, I am so unbelievably thankful for your support. I promise that the new direction this ministry will be going, will be a better, deeper version- the version it should have been in the first place. If you are new here, hang in there as we develop and re-work everything. And stay tuned, I would so love for you to be a part of it.
The ministry will be getting re-worked behind the scenes over the next 5-7 months. What that means? We will still be posting blogs periodically and sending out emails, but product production and new things will be at a halt.
Grateful for this community God has gifted us with. Praying for you every day. Will you be praying for us? <3